So low it’s like they don’t exist. Kind of like imaginary friends that you talk to, but they don’t talk back. Oh wait, they aren’t imaginary? Well shit, I thought I had officially lost my mind.
Motherhood is hard. Know what’s even harder? Not having a village to help a sister out. Especially in the mental department. And maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I just have secluded Bailee and myself from the outside world. Maybe I haven’t been putting in the effort to socialize. Maybe I just don’t respond to people when they contact me. Who the heck knows.
You never realize how much your life changes after have a baby. Especially your social life. You start talking to family more, friends with kids more and friends who don’t have kids less. You used to get invited to things. People wanted to come over and hang out. Grabbing lunch or coffee was no big deal. Drinking at the bar late night was common.
But now, now I don’t get the invites. I can’t go to anything at 6pm or later because that’s when it’s time to wind down for Bailee’s bedtime. Going to coffee or lunch is a giant event involving getting ready, crying, and unpredictability. No one wants to come over because they don’t want to “disturb” the baby. The tough part? Being the only one at get togethers with a baby. Feeling left out because every one else is having fun and you’re taking care of the baby.
I know everything has two sides, mutual effort. I should probably contact people more, even just to say hi. I should probably invite people over, even when if it’s a bad day for Bailee. I should probably make an attempt to make plans for lunch or coffee, even if it’s only for 30 minutes. But I don’t. I feel like a burden on people. It’s a rough battle of learning to accept that your old life doesn’t exist and your new one is about creating new relationships.
Maybe it’s time to start looking for new mom friends. Ones who have babies close to Bailee’s age. Except making new friends is already hard enough. You don’t know if you’re going to get along with someone, or if you’re going to be judged on your parenting style and choices. And then I’m afraid to make new friends, only to leave them in 6 months when we move back home.
One day I’ll stop feeling this way and worrying about having a social life. It’s just the all the new mom emotions and thoughts running through me. For now, it’s just me and Bailee attached at the hip.