If you ever thought you had the most bountiful amount of patience… Have a baby. They will test it beyond belief without even knowing it. They also test your sanity (which I believe goes hand in hand with patience). They make you question everything you do and didn’t do.
Before I had Bailee, I used to have pretty good patience. And I was pretty close to having some closure on anger issues. I could deal with most things without getting upset or frustrated, letting them roll off my sleeve, so to speak. I was working on not letting every.single.little.thing annoy or bother me.
Then I had a baby. And raging, confused hormones. Then top it all off with anxiety. Welcome to the joys of motherhood, right? In the beginning, aka the first 2 or so months, my patience was all there. I had a helpless baby that didn’t know anything about life, and just hung out, making life a little tough. Then comes months 3 and 4 when she started becoming more alert and needy. The crying her face off for hours for no reason. The need to be kept busy every waking minute so she wasn’t crying. I could handle it still. More so, just a little irritated at the unpredictability of her fits.
And then I lost it. Again and again and again and again. I started losing my shit more times than Bailee was and I knew it wasn’t right. I couldn’t do the 45 minute fight of getting her to sleep for bed anymore. I couldn’t do the crying right in my ear for 20 minutes. Or the constant night wakes and the 30 minute battles trying to get her back to sleep. I would literally put her down and walk away to just scream and cry for 5 minutes before going back to deal with her.
It started affecting everything else too. The dogs would bark at someone; I’d yell at them. They would be eating dirt; I’d yell at them. Someone was driving like a dumbass; I’d cuss them out. Someone would run into me or walk in front of me at the store; I’d say excuse me rudely so they could hear me.
I have no idea what is causing me to have such little patience, but it just keeps getting worse. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m with Bailee by myself almost 90% of the time and I have no escape for “me” time or if it’s because I’m so wore out from being her everything. Whatever it is, I need to snap out of it. I need to get back to the less agitated person I was before.
If you know of any sites, books, blogs or tips that could help me out, I’d love to hear them in the comments.